All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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