so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Congratulations! We have a period
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
