I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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