Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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