I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
