I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
