dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
