sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
