sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
