I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
