i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
