Where is the hickey?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
