Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
