Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
