So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
