I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I looked at my own cervix.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
