okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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