All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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