Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
