so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
