he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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