i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
