More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
