why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
