the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
