The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
