I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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