I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There r osticjed everywhere
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
