I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
