I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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