Farmville is her only friend.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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