Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
