get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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