I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
nutella sex= disaster
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
