Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
