just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
