So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I cut my penus on the lid.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
