My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
