Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
