I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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