4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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