She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
