I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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