Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
