I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
