would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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