Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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