in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
