I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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