What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
