My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
