if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
