I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
