Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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