Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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