Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
